If I Fail, I'll Need Your Help

from Kitchen Thoughts by Mr. Beany's Bitty Band

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lyrics

If I fail, I'll need your help.
If I fail, I'll need your help.
If I fail, I'll need your help.
Please. Please.

How do you like your help?
Crispy and on the side?
How do you like your help?
Soft and squishy?

I like my help one way only,
and that's helpful!
I like my help one way only,
full of help, help, help!

Do you like your help
squishy or crunchy?
Do you like your help
super-duper healthy?

I like to help,
and sometimes I need help
Sometimes I might even help you!
I like to help! Help! Help!

Do you like to help?
Do you like to eat help?
Do you need help
eating that delicious treat?

I would be happy to help you.
It looks super delicious.
I would be happy to help you
do something more difficult.

But I will not help
you to poop.
You really should be able
to do that yourself.

I don't have a magic wand
to wave and make the poop out of you.
You have to find a way
to excrete your own poop.

But I can help you clean your toilet
after you are through!
And I'm pretty much an expert
at unclogging poo.

When it's in a toilet,
but not when it's in you.

credits

from Kitchen Thoughts, released December 26, 2018

license

some rights reserved

about

Mr. Beany's Bitty Band

We're a one-person band fronted by a human who self-describes as a mad artist. We invented the "crapcapella" genre, and remain a proponent, though we now support the term "folk acapella" as well. We love improvised music as well as sheet music.

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