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Kitchen Thoughts

by Mr. Beany's Bitty Band

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1.
Kitchen, kitchen song, song, song, songs! Kitchen, kitchen songs. I do stuff in my kitchen. Sometimes while I'm singing songs. I do stuff in my kitchen. Sometimes while I sing a song. How do you do your dishes? Is it while you sing your songs? I like to do most everything while I'm singing songs. But not all songs go too, too long. Sometimes they are really, really short. Not all my songs they go super long. Sometimes my songs are short. How do you like your songs? Do you like them long or short? How do you like your songs? Do you like them in a boat? I like my song, song, songs. Sometimes when I have my ears. I like my song, song, songs. Especially when they appear! Especially when they appear. Have you thought that maybe, yes, yes, just maybe, instead of appearing a song could disappear? Instead of being born, one could die in your head. It would be, probably sad. You might even be a little mad. If that happens to your favorite song. But it happens, to, to some. The songs they knew they will not come. Yes, it happens to, yes, songs. The songs they have just disappeared. It is always sad, oh, yes, sad. When those songs, they do not come. It is sad, oh, always sad. When those songs, yes, just disappear. Lost to time! Lost to the ages! It's quite unhappy stuff! Lost to time! Lost to the ages! As their mind unravels turning to just grey, grey stuff. It is sad when that happens. Always, always so sad. And it happens, oh, so often. What can we do? What can we do to prevent our brains from gooing? What can we do? What can we do to protect our brains? Well, I think there are a few things. A few things to improve the health of brains. Yes, I think there are a few things we could do to improve our brains. Let's take them out and wash them sometimes. They probably get a little dusty! Let's take them out and take them for a walk! You never know the things they'll see! Sometimes a brain, it likes to hide when something new comes around, round, round! Sometimes a brain likes to hide when new facts come around. But! You should hug that brain. Hug that brain. Make sure it feels nice and safe! Maybe get that brain a Thunder Shirt. Maybe that will be just the thing! Scary things like thunder, threatening brains all about! But there are things that can help those brains. Help those brains, oh, yes, yes! How would you go about fitting your brain for a Thunder Shirt? Do you need an extra-large size or, maybe, just a toddler? I don't know. I don't know. How big is your brain, brain, brain? Do you count it in kilograms or do you count the shape it's in? Small but wrinkly: yum, yum, yum. Really strong! Strong brain, brain, brain. Big and smooth is not too helpful if you want a good, good brain. You want a wrinkly brain, brain, brain. Lots of lovely connections to make. You want a wrinkly, wrinkly brain. Please, do not make that mistake! Just a bigger brain won't help if it can't make the right connections! Just a bigger brain won't help if you want to think bigger thoughts. Bigger thoughts don't need a bigger brain. They just need a more complex brain. Think more complex thoughts! Not just bigger thoughts! What kind of thoughts do you like to think? What kind of thoughts have you thunk? Lots of lovely thoughts to think! Lots of lovely thoughts!
2.
In a given moment what do you think will happen? In a given moment I thought you could tell the future. Why can't you tell me exactly what will happen? Why do you just answer odd, oddly? In a given moment. In a given moment. So much can happen in a given moment. Why do you think that it's happening? Why do you complain so bitterly? In a given moment In a given moment so much can change there's so much to see. What do you think would happen? If you simply, simply stopped? What do you think would happen? If you simply, sat upon the ground? In a given moment nothing much would change. In a given moment why, everything could become strange. In a given moment so much can happen but will you be aware? What do you think might happen?
3.
Teeth 04:37
Sometimes I dream of spitting out all my teeth. One by one until my mouth is clean. How many teeth do I spit out? You would think it would stop at a dozen. Maybe I could spit out five hundred and forty-three. But the teeth, oh the teeth, they just keep on coming. I spit them out in a constant, constant stream. So many teeth, they hit the ground, embedding themselves in everything. So many teeth to be found covering the ground. And the scene before me switches to black and white. It's such a toothy scene to be seen. There I am under this old tree spitting teeth at everything. A fountain of teeth is me. My perspective shifts and then I'm a tooth, flying in the air and embedding in a bird. The bird takes off in the air and flies around, but something's wrong. Something's wrong. The teeth they spread! I consume that lovely bird and it's a toothy thing. And I spit them out covering, yes, everything. They don't just stop at one or a dozen. The teeth keep on coming, keep on covering things, until it is a toothy town. Until the toothy town comes down. And as those tooth buildings fall down, it reminds me of my mouth ... closing. And as those toothy buildings come down, I think again of spitting. But I don't! I don't! I want toothy doom stopped. So I just let the valley sink in to the ground. That toothy town, it is way, way down. Where it now will never be found, be found. It will now never be found.
4.
Sometimes I eat seeds! Sometimes I think they're baby trees. Sometimes I eat seeds while I'm eating baby trees. Yummy seeds! Yummy seeds! They go well with my sprouts. Sprouts and seeds are delicious babies. They go so, so good in my mouth, mouth, mouth. I don't know how they feel about it. I think they probably cry. But I can't understand how they cry, cry, cry. They're just sprouts! They're just babies! They would grow so strong. But they're in my mouth, mouth, mouth, and I do chew them, chew them long. I like to eat lots of yummy, yummy things! Especially the babies put in everything! Especially the babies! they make things, oh, so sweet! I like to add babies to almost all of my food. I like to add babies to almost everything I eat. Why don't you try this delicious baby here? Why don't you try a new baby today? Sometimes I eat fruit, it's true. And I do not eat the seed. It's kind of like eating placenta and throwing away the baby. But it's so good! I could eat it every day. It's delicious placenta from the trees. And I eat, yes the seeds! Those delicious, delicious things! And I eat, yes, I eat the sprouts with everything! And the fruit! Oh, the fruit! It's so sweet, so sweet as I imagine placenta to be. At least, if placenta had as much, much sugar, and I could eat it fresh before it started dying. But it is hard, yes, hard to get. I've never seen it in the store. It's hard! It is hard to get. So I just eat the tree babies.
5.
One day I will eat your corpse! Eat your corpse! Eat your corpse! One day I will eat your corpse! I hope that it's not too soon. I love you, oh, I love you! You are a good, good friend to me! But one day I, I will, eat up your corpse. Why do I say I'll do this thing? It doesn't seem like what others do? Why do I say I'll do this thing? Because, because look at you! You are chocolate! Chocolate! It's true! You are chocolate! And you'll be something else when I'm through. You'll be poo. When I'm through with you you will be poo. But for now you are chocolate. For now, you are just chocolate. I, perhaps, might put you in somethting else, too. And make, perhaps, a chocolate stew! Perhaps that is what I will do! And when I'm done and you've sung your last song I will devour your corpse until I'm through. I might share you with my friends. But then, just look at you! Just look at you! You are so delicious! So delicous! Perhaps I won't share any of you! You are so delicious! You are so delicious! I shall devour you until you're through. I will eat your corpse! Devour you until I'm through! I will eat your corpse! And then when will I move on to your friends and your family? Devouring each, yes, each in turn. I will devour your whole country. It's so chocolatey, it will never burn. I will devour every last one! Come to me! Come to me! Each and everyone! Let me put you in my tum-tum. Let me devour you down.
6.
Locked 03:38
I am locked here behind the wall. Locked here. And growing bald. My hair has fallen from my head as I am locked behind the wall. I s'pose I should be worried or dead for I am locked behind this wall. But I am just losing my hair locked behind this wall. Do you have a wall? That you are locked behind? Maybe it's decency, or maybe it's just wine. But, unlock your wall and go outside! Because if you have the key, you have no excuse. I on the other hand am quite, quite locked because the one with the key has left the room. So I am stuck here behind this wall. Quite, quite, locked away. So I am stuck here behind this wall. And this is where I'll stay! But you! Yes, you! When you lock yourself behind those things. Yes, you! Yes, you! You can unlock your walls. Change and transform! Perhaps your whole room! You do not even need that wall. Change and transform and become something more! You don't need the lock or that wall! Change and transform and become something more! You don't need to stay locked. Tucked in a corner. Locked away. All your days. But, I do. Oh, yes, I do. Because the one with the key is most, most, most definitely not me. They have left the room don't you see! So I'm trapped here trapped here for all eternity. I will just stay here quietly.
7.
The voice in my head is too loud. It just screams, screams, screams. The voice in my head is too loud. I can't think a single thing. I do not know what to do because it just screams. The voice in my head it is too loud. Is that your voice? Deep in my head? Why are you screaming? Scream, scream, scream? Why don't you just talk to me and I might help if I can. But the screaming it truly must end. Please stop the screaming deep in my head. If you are the cause I swear I'll wind up dead. I can't live like this anymore. Because, the screaming drives me boring deep in to my brain! So please stop.
8.
If I fail, I'll need your help. If I fail, I'll need your help. If I fail, I'll need your help. Please. Please. How do you like your help? Crispy and on the side? How do you like your help? Soft and squishy? I like my help one way only, and that's helpful! I like my help one way only, full of help, help, help! Do you like your help squishy or crunchy? Do you like your help super-duper healthy? I like to help, and sometimes I need help Sometimes I might even help you! I like to help! Help! Help! Do you like to help? Do you like to eat help? Do you need help eating that delicious treat? I would be happy to help you. It looks super delicious. I would be happy to help you do something more difficult. But I will not help you to poop. You really should be able to do that yourself. I don't have a magic wand to wave and make the poop out of you. You have to find a way to excrete your own poop. But I can help you clean your toilet after you are through! And I'm pretty much an expert at unclogging poo. When it's in a toilet, but not when it's in you.
9.
You have one decision here! Do you or don't you? You have one decision here! Will you or won't you? Will you decide that you must cut him down? Will you decide to wear his foot as your crown? That's what you must decide. What do you require? That's what you must decide. Will you cut, cut him down? He's grown outside all year. He has gotten good and strong. He's grown outside all year. But, will you cut him down? We need his fruit! We need his fruit! We don't want to be rude, but we, we need his fruit. I know you want to do something super cool with the stuff we clear, clear out. You could wear his foot, yes, as a crown. We just need to cut him down! And if we cut him down, down, down. What sort of sound will be found all around? Will he scream or plead or pop or will he not make any sound at all? I want to know, and I almost want to know enough to cut him down. But we need his fruit! That is what I said. And to get it we must cut him down. We will cut him down, and drain him dry. And burn the dregs on logs so high. But we need to, we need to, yes, cut him down. So you have a choice to make. (I know he's your brother and all.)
10.
Shopping in the grocery store is full if chance encounters, and I’m not talking about the human ones. You don’t know what kind of food you’ll encounter! You don’t know what kind of food will decide you’re the one! Sometimes I’m walking in the grocery store and food it leaps off the shelf at me: “Take me home!” “Be my love!” “Devour me completely!” Sometimes, yes, I agree. Sometimes, I agree. It can be, oh, so lovely. It can be delicious on my lips. It can be, oh, so lovely. But they’re only short relationships. Just one night alone with you. Just you and me. And maybe a bottle of wine could set the table for three. I would really like to get to know you better. Maybe you have some secret spices in you? And how will I know? How will I know what is in you? I must explore you with my mouth! I must explore you with my tongue! And eventually, you’ll travel south! To reach my inner sanctum! Deep within my tummy you shall be transformed. Deep inside my tummy! You’ll be food never more! At least until the cycle completes itself. Transformed somewhere else. You may be return to the ground and be feasted on by others.
11.
Compost long-form poetry! Compost long-form poetry! It doesn’t need to be about hair! It’s compost long-form poetry. Have you thought of long-form poetry composting words and ideas, you see? Compost long-form poetry. It gets inside your head. Compost long-form poetry. It does not leave you dead. I thought of making a poem. A really, super, long-form poem. I’ve thought of making a poem, but I have not started it. But I have composted ideas about poems! I have composted ideas for where to begin! I think I might sing a song. It’s kind of like poetry. I think I might sing a story. It’s kind of for you and me. And compost long-form poetry! It rolls off the tongue! Compost long-form poetry! It’s truly the best for everyone! Would you like me to add a song and a story to this? I sang this once before, but let me add more narrative. When the poem here, I started singing, I started long ago, but I kept on singing. As I sang through the day and night, my children shivering with fright, they did not know what to do, and they got hungry, too. I thought of long-form composting, and long stool, too. I’ve thought of logs turned to mulch, and I thought of poo. And I remained there until I was through. My children crying, and weeping. Very true. They did not want me to continue. They were, oh, so very hungry. They wanted me to stop, But I was never through. Compost long-form poetry. It’s not like a fungus that grows on trees. But it takes some time. Takes some time, Like the mold as it, it grows. The things that we see as fungus Are just the fruiting, fruiting woes. Compost long-form poetry. It grows deep inside of you and me. What you must do is what I did and open, yes, yourself up! Extract it! Extract it! Before the fruiting body breaks you up! It, like you, will be composted, just like the fungus. It, like you, will be composted, And that’s not fun for anyone. Compost long-form poetry. It’s not just for old fogies.
12.
Leaves 03:34
When I think about leaves I think, yes, of many things. One of the things that I think about is how they cling to disease. Leafblowers blowing leaves, bringing up all those settled diseases. Leafblowers blowing disease on up with pieces of leaves! There is a reason that people who use leafblowers get sick more than other people. They spread disease up off the ground. Settled to the ground on the backs of leaves. Settled to the ground with pieces of dust. Pieces of skin. Pieces of insect shell. Pieces of fingernail and rust. So many things for disease to cling to lifted up off the ground by leafblowers. Leafblowers just spread disease all, all around. And it's not good for the environment because it disturbs smaller things. Leave those leaves in the grass that's where they belong. Lots of things, they need those leaves. Protected by the fallen leaves. You destroy the ecology when you disturb the leaves. So, I do nothing to my yard except to avoid planting nasty grass. I let lots of things grow there, yes, and I do never, ever act. The ecology will do things totally fine without me. I don't need to do anything about those good leaves.
13.
Bring Change 02:18
14.
Sore Feet 03:14
I once had a sore foot, and it was lonely. So, I got another and they were a matching pair. My foot was happy. My foot was still sore, but together they were, yes, a matched pair. Sore feet! In the morning when they're kissing each other's toes. Sore feet! In the evening while they're talking about each other's woes. Sore feet! They do not like to be lonely, lonely feet. They need some company. Company is what I think. And the thing to do is to make the other sore. I recommend walking on things that are not the floor. Maybe you should walk on some nails, or maybe some LEGO. That would be swell. Make your feet so, so sore. How do you like your feet? Do you like one more? If one foot is liked more than the other, some people say that invites cancer. If you like your left foot more than your right foot some people think they should chop one off, but I think that's mostly just silly. Just let one one, one get sore. One that you truly, truly adore. And see what they discuss when they meet so quietly. I think they want to be, yes, matched and happy. Maybe really hap, hap, happy. Singing and dancing with rose petals and lotions galore. Some people want them matched all knobby and in so much pain, but I suppose that would be fine if you can still dance. Because some people they dance on their feet to make them sore. Some people, they like to prance and they like to kick at the door. What do you do to make them sore? That is what I'm asking. How many things do you adore, and are your feet one of them? Sore feet and sore thumbs and sore nose! Sore eyes and sore ears and sore toes! How many things can be sore and how many things can you lop off? Do you think you should just lop it, if it feels a little bit sore. I think that if you chop it, you will invite trouble galore. Don't just chop at your body chop-chop because that makes more problems. Just, perhaps, buy lotion and feel a little less sore. Sore feet! Sore feet! They have so many lotions. Maybe buy some Icy-Hot if that can solve your problems. I hope that you liked this song. Liked it and it didn't make you sore. But if it made you sore, perhaps there's lotion for your ears.

about

This album is not technically "Not Safe For Work," and yet the subject matter may be challenging to some. When an artist follows the muse instead of the almighty dollar, things sometime take unusual turns.

"Folk acapella" was once heard around the world, right up until radio and the Edison cylinder taught people they weren't good singers and that they should be quietly embarrassed.

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released December 26, 2018

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Mr. Beany's Bitty Band

We're a one-person band fronted by a human who self-describes as a mad artist. We invented the "crapcapella" genre, and remain a proponent, though we now support the term "folk acapella" as well. We love improvised music as well as sheet music.

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