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Strange New World

by Mr. Beany's Bitty Band

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1.
Strange new world! Why's this world, oh, so strange? Strange new world! Yes, this world hurts my brain. What is up with the people here? They do things way, way, way too strange. They eat each other up, up, up. They eat each other up. And that is just so, so strange. I can't tell who the intelligent ones are, because these Earthlings, eat each other up! I guess some of the small ones they don't eat each other up. And a few of the big ones, they don't each other, too. Elephants they are called! And they seem super fun! They don't eat each other up, but you see they're on the run. I guess they might be delicious, you see. Because, they get shot down, desperately. And the little chickens, as far as you see, just get gobbled up, gobbled up by almost all. They don't eat other Earthlings. Except, maybe, a worm or something. They're friendly and fun to hold, but they're on the menu, I am told. They eat each other up. Eat each other up.
2.
Strange new world. Strange new world. This world's not like mine. It's, oh, very, very strange. I don't know why, I think the rules are to blame. So many rules, I've trangressed almost all. They will probably shoot me down, if I don't leave by the fall. It's a strange new world, and there's so many laws. I can't tell, I can't tell, I'm never supposed to know them all. They are made to be broken by one and all, so they all can become criminals. So they all can be shot down. It's a strange new world, barbaric and cruel. A strange new world by far. Not like home! Where we need no laws, except for the pets, who would pee in the hall. It's a strange new world! So strange by far. I will be happier when I am gone. I need to leave by the fall, by the fall.
3.
I am Lost 04:16
I am lost on this strange world. I would like to go home. They won't let me cross the border, where my important part fell. I just need to fix my ship. Fix my ship and go on home. But, I guess they have countries here. And they fenced me far away from that bit! That bit that I need before I can go home. There's only so much I can do with what I can scavenge from their primitive junk. I need the piece that fell from my ship, so I can get back to home. But they don't let the people here go way over there. We're trapped on this side, this side, by a giant fence. I don't even want to stay that long, because my ship is still on this side. I need to get that bit, oh yes, before I can fly. I need to go from here to over there. But they won't let anybody get from here to there. I'm an illegal alien, and I can get no papers. Because, they're a backward people and they love to kill the trees for their sacred papers that cost money to protect their silly borders for their money. I don't really understand at all. I'm glad we have none of that. But I don't know how I can get back, back home.
4.
I would like to see this place. The people here say I look like I'm from space. They are right, you know. Right, you know, but I just laugh and wave it away. I'm here on vacation. At least, for today. And there's so much to see on a primitive trip like this. They're such silly people but their food is a trip. I have not eaten food like this ever before. It wouldn't fly back home, back home. But these are primitive people, and I wanted to know more, and so I ate of an animal called a cow. And so I ate of an animal called a buffalo. And I ate of a seven animals called chickens. Then, I ate of a rabbit, some more. And I was so hungry, and my trip was going well, so I thought I could eat something I'd never thought of before. I said, "Hey, can I eat a clearly sentient species? Maybe I could eat a human or a whale? Or, maybe an elephant, because those are all sentient." I thought they would justt laugh, laugh, laugh. But that dish was such a super smash. They did not feed me human, no, but they fed me, yes, the rest.
5.
I would like to go someplace different. Maybe some place that had a sea. I've been out in space for, oh, so long, and I want to see some water directly under me. I just want to swim, swim, swim! In some place that's not where I've been! I think maybe we could have a party, if we went someplace with a really good sea. But this place we went probably used to have a sea, now it's covered in plastic, from edge to edge. Yes, there's water here, and it's pretty, pretty wet, but it's not a place I could ever, ever swim. Somehow they've thrown all their trash in the water, not thinking of how they will eat it. It breaks down in to smaller pieces, and then it gets inside all the fish. Then they eat the fish! Oh, gross, gross! And the eat the plastic, plastic bits. And they eat the fish! Gross, gross, gross! And the eat the plastic with it. I think it's really gross that they ruined their water. There's almost no fish in the sea, sea, sea. There's almost no big creatures that I see. There's lovely little squids and lovely jellyfish. But what will they eat, eat, eat. Tiny bits of plastic covered in some feed. What will they eat, eat, eat? Just bits of plastic from edge to edge. Let's go somewhere else today. Let's go somewhere else. This sea's disgusting and I just need to get away. Let's go somewhere else today. Let's go somewhere else. There's too much plastic here for me.
6.
I would like to go somewhere. Somewhere really, really cool. Have you gone anywhere that makes you the big fool? What kind of place would most challenge me? Make me feel like I know, yes, nothing. Nothing as can be. Let's go to Earth, their idiocy will make us feel like we know, yes, nothing. And their arrogance is super great, and they'll say to our face that we know nothing. It will be a great vacation! We will feel so humbled when we return. And when we return, we will feel so happy that we don't have to live in that place. Why do you think that they like to pretend that they understand the world they live in? They ignore the science so they will ignore us as we explain things to them. They might even scream! They might even moan as we explain the facts to them. It will be such the vacation, and I will like to go. Maybe I can go right now, and I'll visit them as long as I can. I still think it will be a great vacation. I will let you know when I'm back. (Well, that didn't take long.)
7.
I would like to see a new place, yes. I have seen just my ship for too long, I guess. And I thought I could stop here for just a little while, maybe grab a snack and maybe have a drink. But there's one thing I did not consider when I set down by that beach, because I did not know that you still used fossil fuels, and when I bumped in to that pipe line, that scene-- That sewage, that slime, that chemical composite whatever vile thing that it was. It spewed forth from that pipe and it got everywhere and now my ship is stuck. It's stuck on the beach and it can't get in the air. Just like all those lovely creatures. I see them gasping, and dying, it's sad, it's sad. I see them gasping and, yes, it is sad. I have no way to help them, and I can't even help myself. This is not a problem I ever expected I thought folks left this stuff in the ground. I did not know if I busted that pipe, that the goop would go all around. But you see, you see, I'm just like the Earthlings here. I'm stuck and I'll probably die, die, die! I'm stuck and I'll probably die.
8.
I thought when I saw the pictures on my screen, when I was out in space that surely it was a show, and not the nature of this place! There's Earthlings killing Earthlings. There's Earthlings starving everywhere. But the Earthlings turn away, turn away and pretend they're completely unaware. Why do the Earthlings just not care? It's like they're doing it on purpose. Why do they hate each otther? Why do they fight? It's not like on my planet, on my planet, oh, my. They're almost the same here. There's very little difference. What would they do if they had space travel and people from the past dropped by for a visit? That is what it's like on my home planet, there is so much variation. So much different! We don't fight about it, no! We don't complain. It's just how we live. We get along. We don't fight. We don't kill. And it's really quite tame. We're all different, after all. But, why do these people like to kill each other? Maybe I will never know why. Why is that person, that Earthling pointing that thing? Oh, I guess I was the wrong color.
9.
I thought maybe I could eat the biggest sandwich. The biggest sandwch. So, I went where I could eat the biggest sandwich. Yes, the biggest sandwich. That brought me here to Carl's Sandwiches. That brought me here to Earth. And I will prove I can eat the biggest sandwich. What is this stuff called saurkraut? It kind of smells rotten? Does it really go on sandwiches? It kind of smells sour. What is this about? But this green thing here, I think it is called a pickle. It tastes just super fine. So, bring me a sandwich, a sandwich of this. And it will be just super fine. I think I would like to eat the biggest pickle sandwich ever. Ever. You might need to bake some special bread to make my big, big, big pickle sandwich. I will wait for it. I really want to eat, eat it. Thank you Earth! Thank you Earthlings for this delicious dish! The pickle sandwich is the best!
10.
I would like to maybe, maybe, maybe go somewhere else. This place isn't really my cup of tea. I don't even know what tea is, you see, because I am a space creature from far away. I would like to go somewhere else. I don't like what I see. I think it is because where I come from we worship things that look like bees. They're great big fuzzy gods covered in pollen. That is where I come from, come from. And why don't I see more bees out here? There's flowers not covered with bees. I don't really like this place, no, not at all. There should be some bees on me. Where are the bees? Where are the bees? And why are they so, so small? I may be able to fix things up, if you give me two hours and a sample from the mall. A little local bee juice, I think it's called honey, and I'll have some bigger, much bigger bees.
11.
Somedays I like visiting other planets. Other days it's just okay. And then there's days like these. And then there's days like these. I just needed to deliver a package, not too big. But it was a special delivery, because that's what I did. And I went down to Earth to deliver the package. And I was quite upset with what I saw. Those sad people there. They live in a mall, or a city, that's really low to the ground. They can't see the shape of their planet in the sky. They can't see the curvature, oh, my, my. I wanted to build them a structure so high that they could see the shape of the sky. But they're so, so close to the ground, oh, you see. They just see the dirt in front of their toes. They have no vision for the future. No vision of the sky above. They're stuck down there so close to the ground. Some might not even believe it curves at all. Such myopic vision, you know. I just needed to go. So I left, I left feeling sad for those folks that can't see the shape of the sky or the land. They only see the dirt as their foot, it thumps, to the space in front of them.
12.
I would like to dance and sing. But, they might look at me oh, so strange. I'm inside a suit that looks like the Earthlings. Not the smartest Earthlings, I think. These Earthlings are called the humans, but they're not my favorites, you know. I prefer the other Earthlings I've met. They are some lovely furry fellows. I've met some cats that are super fun, and the dogs really like to hang out, you know, and we make such a fun, fun pile. And we sing the songs in the night, night, night! But the humans here, they shouted at me! They said I should not encourage them. The humans here they do never sing. Not like my furry, furry friends. And I just want to sing and dance, but I don't know what they would do if I danced. They clearly hate my singing. They would probably hate it if I danced. So I keep it hidden away.
13.
I would like to do something far away! I would like to do something super fun! I don't like being on this planet. My parents, they're on the run, run, run. They have left me here alone, because this place is super boring. But it's safe, it's safe, you know. They just have the simple machines. They're silly guns and bows. They can't hurt me in me shield. So I go about the day, you know. And I give them no heed. I look totally cool to them, you know. So, they leave me alone. But I would like to be home and spread out as myself. These people only have two legs, and two arms, that's hardly what I know. I feel awkward in this human suit with half my limbs tucked away. They will atrophy if I don't exercise them! I need to be myself someday. But I'm safe, safe for now. I'm safe. Safe for now.
14.
Sometimes I like to go to other places. Sometimes I like to go away. I slip away, just for a day, and I go places in my head. My favorite place to go is a backwards, backwards fantasy land. I call it Earth, and the Earthlings there are so, so cute. I call it Earth, and they've got some really fine shoes. That is my favorite part. The shoes that they wear. Yes, I think maybe I gave them hair. But, I only care about their feet. I only care about their shoes. I gave them a history, so I could explain the differences in shoes. So many lovely shoes from all over their big globe. It's such a lovely picture of my fantasy land. It's not like the real world. No, not at all. I never wear shoes. Not even when I leave hall. I go in my space ship totally, totally barefoot! I walk around my city with never a shoe upon my foot. So, in my fantasy, they all wear shoes.
15.
I thought maybe, maybe I could try to go for a visit to a place in the sky. Earth seemed like a suitable place to go for a while. Maybe a day or two, or three years for the Earthlings. It would be no time for me, but so much for the Earth, Earthlings. I did not know what I would do on of those days. Where would I go and what would I do? But it was like they knew I was coming! They wanted to do something special for me! They gave me a show and they wanted to see just how tough my little ship could be! My ship is nothing special. It just gets me from here to there. But the show they put on for me was almost too much to bear. Such pretty lights, pretty lights in the sky. Explosions all around. It happened so fast! The computer helped me out. It happened so fast, I hardly could see it. So pretty in the sky, sky, sky. I knew that they'd be glad for my visit. So much to see and so much to do, and I thought I'd have such a lovely good time. And I was right. Oh, I was right. My two days were nearly out of sight. Those really put on a show. And I think they really went all out. Such a pretty sight. Pretty, pretty sight. And I thought it was super fine.

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"Folk acapella" was once heard around the world, right up until radio and the Edison cylinder taught people they weren't good singers and that they should be quietly embarrassed.

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released December 31, 2018

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Mr. Beany's Bitty Band

We're a one-person band fronted by a human who self-describes as a mad artist. We invented the "crapcapella" genre, and remain a proponent, though we now support the term "folk acapella" as well. We love improvised music as well as sheet music.

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